Ok so I said I was finished with SEO but couldn’t resist.
To protect the innocent some names have been changed
Late last week I was told of a secret cell of dark Blackhat SEOs operating in the city of Leeds. These cunning and potentially evil blackhats were pretending to be white hat SEOs by day and only at night in their secret lair do they reveal there true nature.
I decided to take it upon myself to investigate this cabal and here is my tale of ranking terror.
My initial investigation told me of an innocent white hat gathering called “Northern SEM” this I was led to believe was nothing more then a front for these fiends praying on young innocent search marketers. I decided I would join this gathering in disguise as a “SEO” and if I could keep my mouth shut I maybe be able to gain the Evil doers trust…
The evening arrived and I stepped into Mr Foleys a pub at the centre of the geek community in Leeds hoping no one would give away my cunning disguise (wearing a math joke t-shirt…) I proceeded to engage in the conversation. It quickly became apparent that the Cabal had its eyes on two SEOMoz Acolytes and as they regurigitated the rights of Rand they were seemingly unaware of the danger they were in! The first Acolyte who went by the name of Sara Godwin (remember not her real name) was being piled with beverages designed to entice her to the dark side along with her rats and with Stew Turnker who arrived late also being not far behind. I realised these two young impressionable people could be the next victims of the blackhats so had to act quickly.
I decided the leader of this group must be the one the large brute was were referring to as “yeshun” and quickly approached her with news I to was a blackhat and ranked for Viagra too…
Quickly I was whisked to their secret lair, relieved I had saved two innocent lives I now feared for my sanity and my rankings what if Matt Cutts found out! There was nothing for it I would have to play along as I underwent a strange induction to their cabal the horrors of which I shall not speak except to say it involved Yoghurt make me say no more. The key I had gained their trust and they revealed their master plan…
World SEO Domination…
I realised I needed proof of what I had seen and so secretly took these exclusive shots of inside the secret lair… Sadly no shots of “Yeshun” came out but I can now reveal the identities of the two other members of this group.
Look carefully for the signs to help you identify Blackhats they are subtle and ones such as the devil eyes can only be seen through the use of a camera… Also note the map indicating the state of their world conquest and how they plan to divide the spoils.
Our talk went into the night but I was growing tired and I fear they may have rumbled me, not even my disguise could protect me any longer….
So dear reader I made a run for it, to bring you this news the Blackhats they are among us!!!
The above was a work of mostly fiction… Northern SEM however is a monthly meetup for people interested in search and geekery or just beer. If your in the area pop by to Mr Foleys in leeds on the first Friday of every month. Big thanks to Dom, Carolyn and no I won’t upload the other photo on a public blog for your mum to see Heather.