With so much choice in the field of search engine optimisation consultation field you would be forgiven if occasionally you made the wrong choice when choosing a company to work with but there are a few tell tell signs that should provide a warning that the company may not be quite what they seem.
So when your new consultant says or does one of the following...
- They guarantee number 1 ranking in Google.
- They will submit your site to 10 search engines
- It's ok they know about how Google search engine works because they know some one who works there.
- They don't need access to your server
- HTML what why would I need that?
- They will submit your site to a 100 search engines
- When they hear the word Page rank they don't shudder
- The key to ranking well is your Alexa rank
- They have a magic script they need to install on your server
- They don't rank for their name - moving on
- They read SEOmoz but only for the cartoons
- The key to good SEO is how you set up your PPC
- They will submit your site to 1000 search engines
- They use terms like IBL because it sounds cool
- You should always add sex in your meta tags as every one searches for it
- You will have to convert to their CMS as its LSI compatible
- Google says link farming is fine if its organic
- They will guarantee 1000s of visitors via search engines through their doorway
- Doorways are like landing pages but more efficient
- The best way to rank well is to submit your content to digg
- do it again just to be sure
- Google indexes email messages so include your link in your email
- Then send the email to millions of users
- Blogs are great for SEO set up millions of them and point links to your site
- Using adwords gets your content crawled quicker and higher in the organics
- Using Adsense with their magic code gets your content crawled more quickly
- Keyword stuffing is just like a roast dinner the bit in the middle of the body tag
- They have been working on search engine optimisation for 20 years
- They have a guru
- They sell a $10 ebook on getting rich quick
- misplielings hielp increece the rink of crrect spielings
- All their emails look like 31
- The key to ranking well is altavista
- When buying a domain include the word nude after all if an ex googler does it,it must help right?
- Its important to link to their partners or the magic script (see 9) will not work
- They need more money to bribe a Google employee
- Their best mate is Matt Cutts and they have a photo from an expo to prove it
- They introduced themselves via an email with the line 'Dear money making machine'
- You pulled their unsolicited email from the spam bin.
- The key to ranking well in Google is to do the Google dance.
So if you seen or heard any of the above perhaps its time to run...
I'm sure their are loads more so what have I missed how would you spot a snake skin SEO seller?
My best is directory submissions. I mean even if it worked - which I doubt - why to hire a “professional” to do it?
that a cool list you have no idea how many company’s call me to tell me that they will get me to number 1. I then ask them in what keywords. They replie for you name.
LOL @ no 10 Good to have a sense of humour on these things
Good article Tim
Great list, I’m glad i followed them all. I’d include
41. They tell you spamming blog comments with backlinks to your site on thousands of blogs will increase your position on google.
42. Adding (hidden) links to their site will make the special script they use work better
43. They tell you spamming forums with links to your site will increase your position on google
44. They tell you spamming yahoo messenger users with links to your site will increase your position on google
45. They tell you they have to have a copy of your content on their site to help promote your site(and 46. Any new content has to be added to their site before its added to your site)
Daz
So that is where I have been going wrong. I have not been following this list. I will have to copy and print this list out and tack it to the wall so I don’t forget about it any more.
Nice list Tim. What’s popular in my industry is “content.” 400 pages of pre-written articles (that happen to appear on several hundred other sites in same niche).
28. They have been working on search engine optimisation for 20 years
*and if they can’t spell optimization….run for the door!!!
Great list….
You got to love America only there could an illiterate dyslexic be put in charge of writing a dictionary
still its not poor Websters fault he couldn’t spell.
If I wrote this post, (which was pretty darn funny and beyond my writing capability), I would have implied that was part of the joke!!
I though it was snake oil?
The list is very good - some of those things I haven’t heard in years, though, so that might be a good sign.
Sigh… unfortunately, I used to work for an “online marketing” firm that made use of too many of these tactics, and certainly did not deliver. Really makes it tough for decent SEO’s.
Great list. I hope more of the general public sees it than us SEO’s.
Make that 10000!
Hilarious post. I think No. 15 is my favourite though.
What’s wrong with a little snake oil, after all it keeps things interesting and gives SEO Consultants something to rant about.
Are you sure #40 doesn’t help? Because I swear this one time…
Nice one, Tim.
But what if they want to submit my site to a million websites. Doesn’t that start sounding like an offer too good to be true? And what if it comes with a free set of never-need-to-be-sharpened paring knives?
Oh yes, and how about…
101. They don’t understand when you ask, “What about content?”
Nice one Tim, had a good laugh at some of these…
Great chronicle. My personal best one I’ve heard:
I received a blind phone call someone got from an old whois listing, selling me SEO services. The girl asked me if I was familiar with what PR is, and when I said no, she explained that it was a score from google showing how many pages they had ranked for the website, and that a PR6 site had twice as many pages ranked as a PR3… and whether I would like to hire her company for an SEO project.
Cheers.
Haha great list. I actually just wrote up a similar article: 5 Red Flags to spot a shady SEO company. Sadly, i’m doing them a favor by calling them “companies.”
I still can’t get over the fact that people sell Search Engine submission services.
Great post Tim. Keep the list growing.
This is definately one of my top 10 favorite SEO lists. Man, you really know your stuff. great black hat SEO information.
They think Aaron Wall and Andy Beard were original members of The Who.
You mean they are part of the original Who ? Yeah they are, they played with Danny Sullivan and Rand Fishkin. Man don’t you remember anything from back them.
very nice list. i took yours as base for my own top-10 list. it’s in german language.
I laugh at how many SEO snake-skin sellers you can actually see out there. Who the heck can guarantee you a number one place on Google? How on earth do these people continue to do business with such blatant lies and horrible ambiguity? Do they ever keep their clients, or do they just make money out of garnering ‘new’ clients (ie. Conning someone new). I really wonder at how some people manage to sleep at night with these sorts of businesses.
Edited by Tim: given the author of this comment believes his name is toys and the url he is promoting made this comment just that more funny
No. 28: “They have been working on search engine optimisation for 20 years”
I nearly wee’d (spelling?) myself. Brilliant.
Thanks for all the marketing tips guys. I’m going to have rewrite all my brochures !
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